LOSING A PARENT DURING THE PANDEMIC

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Hello Papa, I know that wherever you are, you can read this. Few months ago, when I learned that your situation wasn’t getting any better, I know I had to go home to see you. I am a nurse so I know that your condition was worsening. You probably felt it too, but knowing you, you did not tell us anything to prevent us from worrying. But I want you to know that I could see how your body was failing you and I could feel your suffering because I have seen so many patients suffer from it painfully when I was still working as a nurse in the wards. And it pains my heart up to this day that I managed to care for those patients during the toughest moments in their lives, but not during the time when you need me the most. That was probably my biggest failure as a nurse and as a daughter, and I will be asking for your forgiveness for the rest of my life.

You probably know by now, but I have been having a tough life. I have few savings, been skipping meals and I have been missing home so bad but won’t tell you because I do not want you and mama to worry. I have been losing my closest friends ever since I came here. Things at work weren’t well too. I was so overworked, misunderstood and left out but I did not complain (well, there were times when I tried to fight back but it did not lead to anything good so I stopped) because I have a family to support.

Despite my situation, I know I did everything that I have to do. I was truly blessed to have friends and a partner who have helped me (morally and financially) despite the pandemic situation here and back home during that time. They have lent me money so that I could buy the ticket to go home. I have experienced so many hurdles along the way but I am grateful to those people who patiently and continuously assisted me in every step of the way to get back to you safe. I may have spent all the savings and borrowed money I have got to assist my family but I will never regret the things that I have done for them.

I was so happy that I was able to provide some of your wishes, and I am so sorry for the things I was not able to do and give. I will always remember how you easily learned to use the android phone I have given you as a gift on your 70th birthday, and the 4am calls I received almost every day after that. I’m glad that I saw you when you were still strong and smiling, and I am so thankful for that little time I have spent with you. I have always thought you weren’t proud of me when I was young but I know now that you were happy and proud of my achievements and who I have become. You have always made everything so hard (math, chores, and cooking) but thank you for trusting me and my decisions when I got older. I never told you any of my problems at work but thank you for not judging me when I was at my worst.

I thought that leaving you was the most painful part of it all, because I know that on my next visit, I might not see you anymore, but I was wrong. It was the video call few hours before your passing that made my heart go numb. I know you were looking for me and I am sorry I could not come home. No one ever mentioned about the pain on losing your parent this way. During our last phone call, hearing you saying that “I am very weak now” broke my heart into pieces. That very moment, flashback of memories came rushing back and I realised how you tried your best to be strong as a father despite your struggles and shortcomings because we need you. You were not a perfect father and we weren’t a perfect family but you made sure you supported us in your own way throughout these years.

Now that you’re gone, I know that all the memories of you are precious moments in my life I could never repeat. Whenever I look back on those days when I was still young and life was still easy, I always remember how happy we really were. There’s this warm feeling and comfort knowing that even though you may not be physically around, I can always re-visit our memories whenever I miss you and the old times. Sorry for not telling you about the recent developments in my life. It was just hard to tell you about it when I know you were also suffering from your illness.

Sometimes, in the middle of my busy work and mediocre life, it just hits me. I lost a parent and I am still silently mourning for that loss. Papa, it has been six months already but I still feel it deeply in my heart. I feel the pain and loneliness whenever I take the early morning train to work, or whenever I pass through the noisy, busy, and crowded streets of the city and the underground. I feel it more whenever I speak to mama and my sister and I feel it most on special occasions, like birthdays and anniversaries. There is this vague feeling of loss and emptiness that no one talks about when a parent dies.

This will be the first Christmas without you and I know it will never be the same again but we will try our best to live our best lives for you. I know you are looking after us everyday and I can feel your protection from danger and from other people. You can probably see our silent battles now but I know that we have our very own guardian angel parent on our side.

We miss and love you dearly, papa. Please don’t worry about us because my sister and I will look after each other and mama. I will also do my best to help your family (I know you were worried about them). Also, you’re probably still waiting for me to come home.

I hate this pandemic, but don’t worry, I will come home.

Favourite animals

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What are your favorite animals?

Cats, penguins and ducks 😄

Best advice

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What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Let go of what you cannot control, be humble.

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How do you celebrate holidays?

Lits of food and with family.

Inviting someone to come to the UK for the first time?

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How to Apply for a UK Standard Visitor VISA for the first time?

How to Apply for a UK Standard Visitor VISA for the first time?

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VISA Application to visit the UK can be both stressful and tedious but definitely rewarding, especially once we manage to bring a family member over successfully. This blogpost talks about the process I took hoping to bring my mom and aunt over for my wedding. Although this might not be applicable to everyone, I hope to bring light to some questions and be able to help and guide other people who are planning to do the same.

DO THEY NEED VISA TO COME TO THE UK?

The UK has a complicated rule when it comes to VISA and is not the same for everyone. If you’re unsure and you want to check if the person you want to invite over need a VISA, check this link: https://www.gov.uk/check-uk-visa. Read through and follow the instructions.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT VISA FOR THEM?

There are different types of VISA the UK government offers depending upon the purpose of the visit. For this specific article, I am going to tackle the Standard Visitor VISA only. According to the official page where the UK government shares information and services (https://www.gov.uk), 1 you can visit the UK as a Standard Visitor for tourism, business, study (courses up to 6 months) and other permitted activities.

STEP 1: VISA APPLICATION

There are two ways on how to apply for a Standard Visitor VISA. People who want to visit the UK can use a private travel agency that offers/specialises on VISA processing and application, or they can do it themselves through online application.

My family used a private agency to help us process their VISA Application because it is easier for everyone involved. The time difference is a bit of a concern so it was hard to follow up what’s going on and I am also working long hours so I got limited time to cater their VISA processing queries. Although it cost a bit more than usual, I still think that it was the best option for us.

WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO APPLY FOR VISA?

It is usually advisable to apply 3 to 4 months before you intend to enter the UK.

What will happen if we apply at a later date?

You might be able to go on to the VISA processing payment phase, but you might not want to apply at a nearer date because of the limited slots for the biometrics appointment.

VISA FEES

The cost of the VISA varies according to the planned length of visit. According to the UK government website, 2 you can apply for a Standard Visitor visa, or if you visit the UK regularly you can choose to apply for a long-term Standard Visitor visa instead. A more detailed information about VISA fees is available on the government website.

In my case, we chose the Standard Visitor VISA for 6 months, which costs £100 (more or less 7,000 Php) The equivalent value in Philippine pesos would depend on the exchange rate but it should amount close to this. Since we have used an agency, there was an additional fee of more or less £35 for each person. This covers the entire application processing only and will not include the travel and other miscellaneous/external costs the family member needs to pay for to complete the requirements.

What are the other costs for?

  1. Transaction fees for obtaining some documents.
  2. Cost for the local travel and stationery.
  3. Travel, food and accommodation cost for the biometrics appointment (Metro Manila)
  4. Courier service (passport)

CAN I SPONSOR A FAMILY?

Yes, definitely. Especially if you think that the person you asked to come over will not satisfy the requirements to come here to the UK (retired parent/s, low income/savings status). There is no definite rule about sponsorship and the set criteria for this but I think it is safe to say that the UK government wants to make sure that the people coming over is capable of financing themselves and their travel. And if sponsorship is needed, it is done in a way that would not compromise the financial status of the one sponsoring the trip.

AGENCY PROCESS

If you are doing the application online, you can just go to the website and follow what it asks you to do/provide.

Agency does things slightly different but basically, they are doing the online processing for you. You’ll be given an application form which you need to fill out. This form contains the same questions that are asked on the website to make it easier for you to understand and sort out. They will also give you a checklist that you need to secure as part of the application requirements.

Things to remember when securing these documents:

  1. Provide a clear and original document.
  2. Not a rule, but most documents should be printed on a A4 size paper.
  3. Convert the documents into a pdf version. (The documents will be uploaded for submission)

There are 2 sets of documents you all need to expect.

  1. Documents from the applicant/s.
  2. Documents from the sponsor/the one inviting.

REQUIREMENTS

The following are the basic requirements that the applicants need to provide/secure: (based from my experience)

  1. Passports (Old/New)
  2. Bank Statements/Bank Certificates
  3. Certificate of Employment
  4. Payslip
  5. Sponsor Letter

For the one inviting:

  1. BRP
  2. Passport
  3. Bank statements
  4. Payslips
  5. Sponsor Letter
  6. Certificate of Employment

The agency might ask for additional documents to satisfy the requirements as needed.

STEP 2: BIOMETRICS APPOINTMENT

This appointment is a part of VISA Application taken to aid automatic recognition. It is a mandatory part of the application and it includes getting the applicant’s fingerprints, photograph and signature.

Our agency was the one who organised/booked for the biometric appointment to our local application center as part of their service. Travel and hotel accommodations are not included.

STEP 3: WAIT FOR YOUR VISA

During the biometrics appointment, the passport will be taken and the applicants will be asked as to where they want the passports to be delivered once approved. The applicants need to pay for the courier fee service (more or less £18, or 1,300 Php) per person.

If the applicant’s application to visit the UK was denied, he/she will receive a refusal letter explaining thoroughly why the assessor has come up with the decision.

STEP 4: PLANE TICKETS!!

Once approved, you can now book/re-book your plane tickets!!

If you are from the Philippines, the ticket prices vary from one airline to another, but on average, one return ticket costs approximately £850 to £1400 (60,000 Php to 98,000 Php).

WORD OF ADVISE

The whole process is arduous but fulfilling in the end. There will be a lot of misunderstandings and it will require both physical and financial efforts to do this completely. I know how things would turn so stressful when money is involved but we all need to be patient and calm throughout the process. Organise your documents and plan everything in the process. Stick to the deadlines and prepare. 🙂

I hope this article helps!

References:

1 https://www.gov.uk/standard-visitor

2 https://www.gov.uk/standard-visitor/apply-standard-visitor-visa